Saturday, November 5, 2011

Random Snark in an Attempt to Avoid Working

I really should be working, because I am so overdue on updating my gradebook it’s not even funny. All my grading is done and the grades written down, but I have to enter them all into the computer, and, frankly, anything that requires me to put on my glasses (and squinting at grades and computer screens definitely counts) will not be happening today. This is why I love my Kindle. I can make the letters BIG and there’s no backlit screen, so no glasses. Win! But since the work spirit is NOT moving me today, and I’ve had several funny moments this week, I thought I’d share some completely unconnected thoughts that I hope you’ll find amusing.
Zaniness at Ladies’ Night Out
Lettie, ready for Halloween on Thursday.
I’ve posted before about how much I love our Thursday night Ladies’ Night Out, and this week we resumed after a week off for Trick-or-Treat. Now, if you’re thinking to yourself, “Self, Halloween was on Monday, not last Thursday,” you’d be right. The small town I live in has declared that Trick-or-Treat will always be the last Thursday in October from 6 to 7 p.m., no matter which day of the week is Halloween. Crazy? Yes, yes, it is, but certainly no crazier than allowing your 8 year old to strap a plastic shotgun to his back and carry around a plastic chainsaw. Yes, that was a real costume I witnessed last week. I think he was supposed to be a character from a zombie movie that I’m sure I haven’t seen, because zombie movies squick me out. (shudders in horror)
Anyhoo, this week’s LNO was a much needed reprieve from the horror that is grading online Spanish workbooks (REALLY not good for the eyes). We were all equipped with our glasses of house wine when I overheard some comments from the next table over. There were several couples, all well into their seventh decade, and they were discussing next week’s election. One of the gentlemen, apparently without any sense of irony, blurted out, "Well, it's all the OLD people! You know they want to vote Republican but vote Democrat, because they're afraid the Republicans will cut Medicare!" I find this REALLY funny considering one of the ladies at the table was wearing a lime-green track suit and had blue hair.
Of course, “old” is a matter of perception, as I learned to my chagrin earlier in the week. We’re working on the dreaded past tense in Spanish, and the students were talking to each other about how old they were in 1995. One of the better students told her classmate that in 1995 she was 18, which had me doing a double-take since I graduated high school in 1994. When I told her I was 18 in 1994, she laughed and said, “I meant 8!!! I’m not THAT old!!!” You’ll be happy to learn that student still lives. Actually, she immediately realized what she’d said, and the entire class had a good laugh. Although I was crying a little inside. Okay, not really, but you get the picture.
Lettie is the Peeing-est Dog EVAH
In case you haven’t noticed, I have a beagle named Lettie. She’s a rescue – I adopted her from the Humane Society when she was 5, and she’s a great dog. Unfortunately, Lettie’s getting older, and she’s now 13. For a 13 year old dog, she’s in great shape, but last year she had to have bladder surgery, and our carpets have never been the same since. She was finally getting better this spring/summer, only to go on a diuretic for her heart this fall.

Me in my lovely Red Parka. Sexy, sexy!!

So now we have to take her outside a LOT. And when I say a LOT, I mean 4-5 times between the hours of 6 and 10 p.m. alone. I’m really not looking forward to the months of January and February, when it’ll be 10 degrees outside, and I’ll be waddling around the snow in my huge red parka, looking like a giant potato with toothpick legs holding a small, steaming bag-o-poop in my little mittened-hand.
I should explain about the red parka. Years ago I moved from Georgia to Kentucky for graduate school, and I asked the parents for a new coat, because Kentucky is farther north, and they actually get SNOW! So my wonderful parents had me pick out a parka from the Lands’ End catalog, and my Mother (bless her heart) insisted I get a red one, because “That way if you’re caught in a blizzard the rescuers can find you!”

Not surprisingly, every Yankee to whom I’ve told this story dies laughing. This is all the more amusing when you consider that I only wore the Red Parka maybe 3 times in all the years I lived in Kentucky. Since moving to Ohio, I break out the oh-so-fashionable parka every winter. Lettie is extremely slow in her search for the perfect spot for her special rinse, so the Red Parka is a necessity. In fact, when I wear it I look a lot like Kenny from South Park. It’s the fashion kiss of death, and I have to wonder I’d be able to get up without assistance if I fell down, but staying warm trumps keeping my dignity when it’s that cold outside.
Truthfully, as I get older I find myself less worried about how fashionable my coat is and more concerned with protecting my extremities, so the Red Parka will remain a staple of my winter wardrobe. But if I start wearing a lime green track suit and sporting a blue hairstyle, I might ask the DH to smother me with my pillow. After all, one must have standards.


  1. *wolf whistle*

    Seriously, before I read to the text I had to squint closely to see if that was you or Mike modeling that sexy bit of outerwear. :P

  2. Very cute, and made complete sense to me. In fact since I am currently typing this in new glasses that I can barely see out of, this cheered me up immensely.

  3. Yeah, the parka is very asexual, isn't it? One plus is that no one can see the blue hair.